Edward White Eyes finds himself in a problematic position when his grandfather has a sudden heart attack while driving through rural Oklahoma, thus forcing him to have to stay in a recently renovated bed and breakfast full of white homeschooled kids. One of the kids, Nathan, doesn’t like Edward’s Cherokee (?) heritage or the fact that the bed and breakfast is so full with unknown guests that Edward must share his room. What’s more is that the white kids discovered a treasure map written in a language only Edward can understand, and it could tell the deep secrets of the formerly dilapidated mansion. In the end, this Bob Jones film attacks the problem of racism against Native Americans (?) head on in a hard-hitting homeschool epic.
Production Quality (-2 points)
We are convinced that The Treasure Map was filmed on a videotape camcorder. Of course, they likely didn’t have access to much else in 1999, but still. This production is obviously and ridiculously cheap, with grainy video quality and horrible sound quality. The sets and locations are passable, but everything just screams backwards homeschoolers. As a side note, I am not discriminatory against homeschooling—I was a homeschooler through high school. The problem with movies like this and entities like Bob Jones is that they make all homeschoolers look like white racist fundamentalist patriarchal fools. But I digress. Treasure Map’s musical score is perhaps the most annoying we have ever experienced, like it was ripped off of some cheesy white Christian kids music video. There is really nothing good to say here, and we have only just begun,
Plot and Storyline Quality (-3 points)
The movie begins with every other line being narrated. From there, the unrealistic time-lapse renovation of a ‘haunted’ mansion is displayed, complete with ridiculous homeschooling stereotypes, like kids not getting any education accomplished and matronly mothers constantly working in the kitchen and cleaning up the house. Then comes the Native Americans, two characters who do not seem even remotely descended from tribal nations. Edward is likely the most absurdly mumbling character ever to grace a video screen, with more than half of his lines being indiscernible. How ridiculously obvious can a name like Edward White Eyes get? Nathan is an immature racist until he gets ‘fixed’ and becomes a perfect character. It seems like the entire goal of this plot is to ‘Christianize’ the ‘heathens’ and the treasure antidote is just an excuse to make a movie. Not a single thing is really accomplished in this so-called plot except for running around looking for ‘treasure’, building teepees, doing tribal dances, dressing up in tribal stuff, going back and forth to the hospital, and attempting to deliver dialogue. This plot is likely a window into the worldview of Bob Jones University, a very scary place indeed.
Acting Quality (-3 points)
Did we mention that the ‘Native American’ actors are actually Caucasian? Apparently Bob Jones only employs white actors and actresses. Besides this, this cast is the worst we have ever seen, with terrible mumbling line delivery and no believable emotions. Those that can actually say discernable words are over the top and robotic. Once again, another horrible section for The Treasure Map.
As an added bonus, Treasure Map received the first ever negative x-factor point for being especially horrible in every possible way. It’s no coincidence that Bob Jones University named their filming arm Unusual Films, because that’s exactly what this movie is. White backwards patriarchal Christian fundamentalism is on display for the world to see in this film, and we found it overall offensive and repulsive, besides the fact that this is just an epic-ly terrible movie, thus garnering the lowest overall score to date from Box Office Revolution. With no potential whatsoever, The Treasure Map should have never been made and can now only serve as a textbook example of an awful Christian film.
Final Rating: -9 out of 10 points
Would this or Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas be the worse film?
Saving Christmas has the edge lol
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Oh look! The white kids are outside in a tepee studying a treasure map that they can’t read! Cue Indian rain dance that Edward just happens to have on tape that just happens to be compatible with a random bedroom stereo that just happens to cause it to rain. This is perhaps the most ironic part of this film. If these cultist home-schoolers don’t believe in Edward’s Native American religion, thinking that it is all in the imagination, then why do they focus an entire scene on him doing a supposed Indian rain dance, that therefore causes it to start raining?