Movies/Series to Watch With Your Kids

As we draw near to what is hopefully the last month or so of quarantine (depending on what state you’re in), I’m sure everyone is getting a little stir crazy. This being said, we thought there was no time like the present to post some clean, enjoyable entertainment options you can watch with the whole family. In this post we will provide a list of family-friendly Christian movies, where you can find them, and the links to our reviews of each film. Without further ado, here’s something to kill the boredom and inspire some great family conversations.

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Our Review: Woodlawn (10 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.pureflix.com/

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Our Review:   Voyage of the Dawn Treader [2010] (9.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Chronicles-Narnia-Voyage-Dawn-Treader/dp/B004PIRE5W

Our review: I Still Believe (9.5 points)

Where you can find it: Available soon on streaming

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Our review: Nativity Story [2006] (9.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Nativity-Story-Keisha-Castle-Hughes/dp/B003UOQ0LQ

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Our review: The Ultimate Gift (8.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Ultimate-Gift-James-Garner/dp/B004CQ3HTE

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Our review: Beyond the Mask (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Beyond-Mask-Andrew-Cheney/dp/B083FL5PS6/ref=tmm_aiv_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

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Our review: Courageous (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Courageous-Alex-Kendrick/dp/B006P96PAO

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Our review: Heaven Bound [2016] (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.pureflix.com/

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Our review: Summer Snow (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Summer-Snow-David-Chisum/dp/B07G8P1G1L

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Our review: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe [2005] (7.5 points)

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Our review: Mom’s Night Out (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Moms-Night-Out-Sean-Astin/dp/B00M39CKMC or Pureflix


Our review: War Room (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/War-Room-Alex-Kendrick/dp/B014Q77YJW

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Our review: What If… (7.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.pureflix.com/

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Our review: Christmas Princess (7 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Princess-Nicole-Mu%C3%B1oz/dp/B07QD7RJYJ

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Our review: Facing the Giants (7 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/Facing-Giants-Alex-Kendrick/dp/B000N2KM4O

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Our review: The World We Make (7 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.amazon.com/World-We-Make-Caleb-Castille/dp/B07S651KWK

Our review: The Chosen, Season 1 (13.5 points)

Where you can find it: https://www.pureflix.com/

We hope you and your family enjoy these titles as much as we have over the years!

Looking for a Way to Entertain Your Kids…and Yourself?

Author’s Note: This is not a paid advertisement of the AIO Club, just a friendly recommendation.

Hey all! If you’re looking for a way to entertain your kids and yourself with clean, quality content, look no further than Adventures in Odyssey! The online Adventures in Odyssey Club (AIO Club) has a free 30-day trial available that gives you access to all of their audio drama albums, exclusive bonus content, and their animated videos. The website is easy for kids and adults to navigate and has a fun layout.

Insider’s tip: Use Firefox to listen to episodes, not Google Chrome. The website acts buggy on the latter.

All you have to do to get access to loads of free, family-friendly entertainment is make an account and start listening! A pro here is that the account doesn’t require a credit card number, so an older kid could make one on their own. The avatar choices are a bit limiting, but that’s just my opinion.

Here’s the link to the AIO site: https://www.oaclub.org/

We have loved listening to Adventures in Odyssey since childhood, and recently started listening again when the pandemic struck. It’s a great way to use your afternoon free time wisely! Here are some tips from a veteran Odyssey fan on the best selection of AIO episodes:

  • The first ten albums or so have simple plotlines, but there’s nothing really wrong with them.
  • Albums 11-13 are forgettable, but may appeal to some audiences.
  • Album 14 has some priceless comedy, especially the License to Drive episode.
  • Albums 19 and 21 are good.
  • Albums 22-25 are very good, even if Blackgaard is a strawman villian.
  • Pretty much everything else is very good as well after album 25 (except for Back on the Air), until you finish album 57.
  • The most recent albums after 57 are very politically motivated and not especially memorable.

With so many hours of clean, quality content at your fingertips, there’s something here for everyone! We hope you and your family come to love Odyssey as much as we have over the years, and that it leads to some great discussions between you and yours.

Stay strong,

BOSs (Box Office Sass)

Jesus is in This Pandemic

Three weeks ago (give or take) all our lives changed to some extent. For many of us, circumstances that are out of our control have changed our day-to-day lives dramatically. Many people have lost their jobs, have sick loved ones, or are struggling to find someplace to stay because they were previously living on a college campus. For the rest of us, while we have only experienced a change in our daily routines, we are beginning to miss the one-on-one time we previously enjoyed with friends, co-workers, our church families, etc. Regardless of how you have been affected by the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, everyone has had to give up something – some more than others. But in the midst of it all, there is hope, there is joy. We can go on.

Those of us on the Box Office Revolutionary team have observed many ways that this pandemic is drawing people closer together. Families are spending quality time together and strangers are trading much-needed supplies with one another via social media. Church families are finding new ways to worship Jesus together and are reaching out to others in atypical ways. That’s right! Jesus is here is this pandemic, and He has a purpose for everything we are going through right now. I don’t know what it is, but I can tell you that He has been very near these days, giving me the strength I need moment by moment. Hmmm, maybe His purpose for some of us is to use this time at home wisely.

For example, what if we turned off the news channel and used our time at home to have one of those long heart-to-hearts (or more than one) with our spouse that we never had time for while we were driving the the kids to and from one hundred extracurricular activities and working full-time jobs? What if we put down the smartphone and played with our kids for an hour? If you live alone (or with only one or two other people) and are feeling lonely, how about looking outside yourself and finding some ways to reach out to others who are feeling the same way. If you do, you just might find that your anxiety is gone.

All of this may sound like corn-pone wisdom, but it really does work. With texting, emails, video chatting, Google hangouts, and a host of other e-communication tools, we really have no excuse. Not even social distancing can stop us from reaching out! It’s time to fight back! Don’t lie down and accept a bleak future, fight for a better tomorrow! Spread the love of Jesus in any way you possibly can!

14 Best Amazing Grace images | Amazing grace, Romola garai ...
Us to COVID-19

Sorry, I got a little excited. Any-who, the coronavirus pandemic is not the end. Jesus still has a purpose for your life. It may look a little (or a lot) different than you thought, but it’s for your good.

Food for thought:

(1) As followers of Jesus, are we going to be just as afraid as those who do not know Him?

(2) Or are we going to take this opportunity to show unbelievers the difference He can make in their lives?

They will know Jesus by His love that overflows through us and spills over onto them. They will not know Jesus by the way we squabble over toilet paper (ahhh, Charmin, those good ol’ days!) and Lysol. Ok, so I admit that Angel Soft is a piece of junk none of us want, but it’s better than nuthin’! So go forth and invest in your kids lives, in your spouse’s life, in your parents’ and siblings’ lives, in your friends’ lives, and in the lives of people you don’t even know!

Remember:

“God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him.” ~ James 1:12 NLT

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

~ Romans 5:3-5 NLT

“And don’t forget to do good and to share with those in need. These are the sacrifices that please God.” ~ Hebrews 13:16 NLT

Never give up!👊😎

Box Office Sass (BOSs)

Following the Subplots of The Chosen (Season 1, Episodes 5-8)

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The Chosen has certainly already been a transformational series, and it’s barely gotten off the ground. It has grassroots appeal and will likely grow into a larger and larger movement as time goes on. As the first multi-season Bible series to be created, it has the potential reach beyond traditional Christian audiences and transform the culture both inside and outside the church. The series’ connections with real people in a Jewish cultural context as they encounter the Messiah are its biggest assets, so here’s a helpful guide to help keep up with the core subplots we’ve seen through episode eight of the first season.

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***

Simon, Andrew, Eden, and Dasha

In the second half of Season 1, we saw Simon and his family taking more center-stage than they previously were. Simon consistently tried to assert himself as a protector of Jesus and a leader of the other disciples, including trying to be gatekeeper for who could and could not have access to his Rabbi. At the same time, Simon tried to hide the illness of Dasha, his mother-in-law, from Jesus. However, despite her mother’s sickness, Eden was glad for the turn of events in her husband’s life and formed a special connection with Jesus. Simon and Eden appear to have rekindled their romance with each other. Andrew continued to play a background role for his brother, his sister-in-law, and his new teacher; he wanted to protect Jesus as much as Simon did, but Andrew showed he was a faster learner than his brother was. In the end, Jesus healed Dasha’s malady, and Simon was forced to accept new things that were previously foreign to his culture, such as interacting with tax collectors and Samaritans.

Thus far, Simon, Andrew, Eden, and Dasha have either directly or indirectly crossed paths with Jesus and with all of the other current disciples and their families, with the exception of Matthew’s family. Simon and Andrew have additionally interacted with Jesus’ mother Mary and some of her close friends. Thus far, Eden and Dasha have only been seen in Galilee while the brothers have been seen there as well as Samaria.

Matthew, Gauis, Quintus, and Matthew’s parents

Matthew’s storyline and his related characters, including his parents, Gaius, and Quintus, have also been given more focus than before. Throughout the latter four episodes of Season 1, Matthew was consistently distracted and confused by the fish miracle he witnessed at the end of Episode 4, which was something that defied reality and could not be explained by his logical way of thinking. Thus, this drove him to seek answers from anyone who would listen; when his superiors passed it off as a trick, Matthew tried to get closer to Jesus and His disciples but had difficulty doing so. However, after witnessing the miracle of the walking paralytic and not receiving answers from a visit to his mother, Matthew made his decision and followed Jesus when the Messiah passed by his tax collector’s booth. The new disciple left his affluent lifestyle behind and began chronicling what he saw. Gaius, his former bodyguard, was stunned at this decision because he had developed an attachment to Matthew and had previously been awarded a military promotion due to the tax collector’s work. Gaius relayed Matthew’s desertion to his superior, Quintus; Gaius also took Matthew’s dog to Matthew’s parents since the former tax collector had asked that he take the pet there to protect his parents’ business from thieves. Upon hearing of Matthew’s resignation, Quintus became angry and made it his goal to find Jesus, especially since Quintus was already frustrated about Jesus drawing a crowd at Zebedee’s and Salome’s house, which disrupted the arrival of an important Roman official who was Quintus’ childhood rival. Before this, Quintus had assigned Nicodemus to meet with Jesus to find out His angle.

At this point, Matthew has encountered Jesus and all the current disciples besides interacting with his parents, Gaius, and Quintus. Gaius has also crossed paths with Matthew, Matthew’s parents, Quintus, and Jesus for a brief moment. Quintus has had contact with Matthew, Gaius, Nicodemus, and Zohora. Gaius and Quintus have only been seen around Galilee while Matthew has been in both Galilee and Samaria.

Nicodemus, Zohora, Shmuel, and Yussif

Nicodemus’ and Zohora’s subplot remained relatively stable throughout the second half of Season 1. Zohora consistently wanted to return home to Jerusalem in order to once again live their affluent lifestyle and to meet their new grandchild. However, Nicodemus was intent on remaining in Galilee until he had solved the mystery of Mary Magdalene’s transformation. In pursuit of this goal, he interviewed John the Baptizer and went to the areas around Zebedee’s and Salome’s house just in time to see Mary Magdalene and to witness the healing of the paralytic. This led to Nicodemus begging Mary for an audience with her Rabbi. Mary agreed to ask Jesus, and later, Quintus demanded that Nicodemus seek a meeting with the mysterious teacher. Jesus agreed to the rendezvous and gave Nicodemus earth-shattering teaching about being born again and about saving the world from sin rather than from Rome. Nicodemus appeared to be converted to Jesus’ cause, and the Rabbi told Nicodemus to follow Him by meeting Him at a designated well before they departed on their journey. However, as Nicodemus gave it some thought and as Zohora convinced him, the esteemed Pharisee decided against publicly aligning himself with the controversial teacher and instead provided money for their expedition. Elsewhere, Shmuel played a much larger role in the second half of this inaugural season as he developed a very legalistic stance on the enforcement of Jewish law in response to his mentor’s (Nicodemus) possible openness to seemingly new ideas espoused by Jesus. As the season progressed, Shmuel became a more extreme character who may play a larger role in future seasons, especially since he has already directly interacted with Jesus at the healing of the paralytic. After using Old Testament passages to argue that John the Baptizer and Jesus were advocating heresy, Shmuel informed Nicodemus that he intended to make his mark on Pharisaical history by specializing in studying false prophecy, possibly in Jerusalem. Further, Yussif continued to be a minor character throughout this season as he remained in the background during major events like the healing of the paralytic. His most major contribution was discovering that Jesus was having a dinner party at Matthew’s house.

Up to this point, Nicodemus has only interacted with Quintus, Shmuel, Yussif, John the Baptizer, Mary Magdalene, Andrew, and Jesus. Zohora has only had contact with Quintus and her husband. Shmuel has been seen with Nicodemus, Yussif, and Jesus. Yussif has interacted with Nicodemus, Shmuel, and Jesus. All of these characters have only been seen around Galilee up to this point.

James, John, Zebedee, and Salome

The second half of Season 1 also saw the expansion of focus on the Zebedee clan. James and John became more main characters, and the audience saw a new side of Zebedee, along with the introduction of his wife, Salome. James and John went with Jesus and the other disciples to the Cana wedding, where they witnessed Jesus’ first public miracle. Then, they returned to their own home to watch the miracle of the paralytic unfold before them. Later, John accompanied Andrew to protect Jesus while their Rabbi met with Nicodemus under the cover of darkness. Further, James and John accompanied Jesus and the other disciples on the journey to Samaria, where they witnessed the Lord’s interaction with Fortina at the well. Zebedee and Salome only interacted with Jesus and His disciples in their own home prior to seeing the paralyzed man healed after he was let down through their roof. Zebedee appears to have mended his relationship with Simon, which was previously tenuous after Simon’s underhanded plans. Also, Salome has already developed a special attachment to Jesus.

Zebedee, Salome, James, and John have interconnected with Jesus and all His current disciples. Zebedee and Salome have only been seen in Galilee while their sons have been seen in both Galilee and Samaria.

Mary Magdalene, Thaddeus, and James son of Alphaeus

After being set free by Jesus, Mary Magdalene became a slightly secondary character as she began following the Messiah along with two other secondary characters, Thaddeus and James son of Alphaeus (“Young James”). They all attended the wedding at Cana, where Mary revealed a little bit about her past while Thaddeus disclosed that he had met Jesus while working on a construction project. In a private conversation, Thaddeus told Mary that he became a stonemason even though his father was a smith because Thaddeus liked the fact that chiseling stone was more final and once the first cut was made, the block would never be the same. Also, it was suggested that Mary and Thaddeus might be forming a closer relationship with each other. Later, Young James disclosed to Simon that he was originally going to sing in a temple choir before Jesus called him.

Thus far, Mary’s, Thaddeus’, and Young James’ storylines have all intersected with Jesus and with the other disciples. Mary has had personal contact with Nicodemus. Mary, Thaddeus, and Young James have all been seen in both Galilee and Samaria.

Thomas and Ramah

Thomas and Ramah were hired by Raphi and Dinah to oversee the preparation and distribution of food and wine at the Cana wedding. It seems to be implied that Thomas and Ramah are a couple and are running a business together. Once they arrived at the wedding, they discovered that there were far more guests than they had planned for and were soon running out of food and wine to keep everyone supplied. Thomas was extremely distraught at the situation since it would make him look bad. After dilution of the wine was a failed venture, Jesus’ mother Mary alerted the Messiah to the plight, and He came to the aid of Thomas and Ramah. Jesus told Thomas to follow him so that He could show Thomas a new way to count and a new way to view time. Jesus wanted Thomas to meet Him in Samaria in twelve days. Thomas was very skeptical until he saw the result of Jesus’ miracle of turning water into wine. Thomas did not think Jesus’ directions would work, but Ramah was more than willing to supply the water for the miracle. When it was all over, Thomas told Ramah that he didn’t know what to think about Jesus’ offer, but Ramah told Thomas to not think for once.

Thomas and Ramah have only been seen in Galilee and have only directly interacted with Jesus, Mary the mother of Jesus, and Mary’s friends.

Mary the mother of Jesus and her friends

Raphi and Dinah were implied to be longtime friends of Mary the mother of Jesus, which is why Mary agreed to assist them with their son’s wedding in Cana. Mary had been previously introduced in the the Christmas pilot episode, and a flashback at the beginning of the Season 1’s second half revealed a special connection Mary had with her Son. After inviting Jesus and His disciples to be her guests at the Cana wedding, Mary asked her Son to prevent her friends’ embarrassment after the wine ran out.

Thus far, Mary and her friends have only been seen in Galilee, and they have only been seen with Jesus, Jesus’ current disciples, and Thomas and Rama.

Other Characters and Notes

Blind man in the Red Quarter: Although we never saw the blind man from the Red Quarter in the second half of Season 1, but he may still appear again when Jesus and His disciples return to the area in later seasons.

Barnaby, Shula, Rivkah, and Mary Magdalene’s other friends: Barnaby, Shula, and Rivkah had very small parts in Season 1’s latter half as they asked Jesus questions while He was at Zebedee’s and Salome’s house and appeared at Matthew’s dinner party. Abigail’s parents (Mara and Eliel) also brought questions to the Rabbi. They will likely all return for more seasons, with Shula and Rivka possibly playing larger roles in the future.

Photina, Samaritan woman at Jacob’s Well: Photina was introduced right at the end of Season 1 as Jesus and His disciples came to her Samaritan village. Jesus revealed to her that He was the Messiah, which prompted her to go tell others even though she was a social outcast due to living with a man who was not her husband and due to having multiple marriages and relationships throughout her life. It’s implied that her story is not over yet, so she may be seen again in Season 2.

Abigail and friends: Abigail and her friend Joshua were seen outside of Zebedee’s and Salome’s home when they offered Matthew a front row seat to witnessing the miracle of the paralytic. It’s likely that they will return in future seasons.

Tamar of Heliopolis and her friends: Tamar witnessed Jesus healing the leper, which prompted her to bring her paralyzed friend to Him at Zebedee’s and Salome’s house. She and her friends fought to get to the Teacher and let him down through the roof so that Jesus could heal the paralytic. Jesus commended her for her faith and her perseverance. It’s highly possible that some people from this group of friends will be seen in other seasons.

Old Testament flashbacks: One of the arguably best elements of Season 1’s second half was the use of Old Testament flashbacks to enhance storytelling. Thus far, the viewers have been shown Moses and Joshua as Moses fashioned the bronze serpent on the pole and Jacob and some of his sons as they dug what was later known as Jacob’s Well. It’s highly likely that this Old Testament flashback trend will continue in all seasons of The Chosen.

Following the Subplots of The Chosen (Season 1, Mid-Season Update)

Image result for the chosen Christian series jesus

The Chosen has certainly been a transformative series already, and it’s barely gotten off the ground. It has grassroots appeal and will likely grow into a larger and larger movement as time goes on. As the first multi-season Bible series to be created, it has the potential reach beyond traditional Christian audiences and transform the culture both inside and outside the church. The series’ connections with real people in a Jewish cultural context as they encounter the Messiah are its biggest assets, so here’s a helpful guide to help keep up with the core subplots we’ve seen through episode four of the first season.

***WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD***

Mary Magdalene

The series started off with a bang as Mary’s demonic bondage was explored from multiple angles while at the same time providing key flashbacks to her character’s core motivations. Her father taught her Isaiah 43:1, which she clung to during her darkest hours. After neglecting suicide to follow a bird to her only friend’s (Sol) eating establishment, Mary encountered the Messiah, Who quoted her favorite Scripture to her before setting her free. She then set her mind to helping her friend at the hairdresser shop and re-adapting Jewish customs in her new life, including preparing Shabbat for local outcasts. It was there that she encountered Jesus again and first learned His Name.

Thus far, Mary’s storyline has intersected with Jesus and Nicodemus. She has primarily been in Capernaum.

Nicodemus

Nicodemus’ opening scene–the journey to Capernaum with his wife Zohara–was interrupted by Quintus, a recurring magistrate character, who wanted the rabbi to assist the Roman Empire’s effort to stop fishermen who worked on Shabbat in order to avoid Roman taxes. Nicodemus is a very staunch interpreter of the Torah, which is why another Roman official asked him to cast demons out of Mary Magdalene, who was causing havoc in the Red Quarter, where she worked as a prostitute. Nicodemus reluctantly went, but his exorcism was unsuccessful. Nonetheless, Yussif, a local Pharisee, later informed Nicodemus that he witnessed Mary in her right mind, so Nicodemus paid her visit again to see for himself. He learned her true name and discovered that his work had nothing to do with her freedom. Mary told him of Jesus’ words to her, which prompted Nicodemus to wonder if his work as a rabbi was even honoring God anymore. After receiving word from the priests and rabbis of Capernaum that the radical preacher called John the Baptizer was speaking against the Pharisees and had been imprisoned by Herod, Nicodemus determined to ask the crazy man questions about the miracles he had heard about.

Up to this point, Nicodemus’ subplot has crossed over with Mary alone. He has primarily been seen in Capernaum.

Matthew

As an outcast Jewish tax collector, Matthew’s closest human companion is his Roman bodyguard Gaius; he also has a stray dog for company. Matthew was shunned by his family for supporting the Roman enemy, but he appears to be nonplussed by this. He is a very conscientious accountant who challenged Quintus’ scheme to relieve Simon’s family’s taxes in exchange for his turning in fishermen who worked on Shabbat to avoid taxes. Gaius advised against Matthew’s resistance to Quintus, but Matthew ignored the social cues and faced the powerful official anyway. Quintus was impressed by his courage and ordered Matthew to follow Simon to see if the fisherman was going back on his word. As Matthew spied on Simon, he was able to witness Jesus’ massive fish miracle from afar.

At this point, Matthew has also encountered Simon and Andrew; he has seen Jesus work from a distance. Matthew’s work has primarily been in Galilee so far.

Simon, Andrew, and Eden

Simon made a deal with Roman magistrate Quintus to turn in any Jewish fishermen who fished or Shabbat to avoid paying Roman taxes in exchange for his family’s taxes being cancelled, but Simon’s brother Andrew disagreed with this plan. Simon hid his secret source of income and covert tax evasion from his wife, Eden, but she was suspicious of his unusual work hours, including his work on Shabbat. Andrew has been continually trying to keep his brother from getting into trouble with his in-laws and from using schemes to get ahead in life. However, when he was assisting the Romans one night with patrolling for Shabbat fishers, Simon changed his mind when he saw remnants of Zebedee’s work since he and his sons were friends. Later, Simon confessed to Zebedee, James, and John what he had done and begged for their help to pay off his tax debts, but they refused. In midst of the turmoil, Simon had to tell Eden what was going on after her ill mother had unexpectedly moved in with them. Eden and Simon both agreed they needed a miracle to settle their financial situation, so he set out to fish all night. Eden asked Zebedee and his sons to help, so they brought Andrew as well to assist the colorful Simon with his bind. However, after catching nothing all night, the fishermen encountered Jesus on the shore, whom Andrew had already told Simon about. Jesus used Simon’s boat to briefly teach before telling people to put out the nets one more time. This led to the miraculous catch of fish, which gave enough revenue to settle the debts. Jesus promptly called Simon, Andrew, James, and John to follow Him from there on out.

Simon and Andrew have interacted with Matthew, Zebedee, James, John, and Jesus. Eden and the brothers have only been seen in Galilee thus far.

Abigail and friends

Abigail is a young, assertive girl who accidentally discovered Jesus’ makeshift carpentry shop in a clearing of the woods near her house. During the events of the first two episodes, Abigail took her friends to see Jesus each day, and He taught them rudimentary wood-working skills and reinforced His lessons for their lives. He shared with them some of His future teachings before letting them know it was time for His work to begin.

Abigail and her friends have only crossed paths with Jesus in the outskirts of Capernaum.

James, John, and Zebedee

Zebedee and his sons James and John are fellow fishermen with Simon and Andrew who heard of the Roman scheme to arrest fishermen who worked on Shabbat to avoid tax laws when Simon confessed to his part in it. At first, they refused to help Simon, but at the pleadings of Eden, they decided to help Simon bail out his debts. In doing so, they witnessed Jesus’ miracle of the massive catch of fish, after which James and John were called to be His disciples.

Zebedee, James, and John have interconnected with Simon, Andrew, and Jesus and have only been seen in Galilee.

Other Characters and Notes

Blind man in Red Quarter: In the first two episodes, we saw other characters run into a blind man in the Red Quarter who is waiting for the Messiah to pass by, so we are likely to see this previewed storyline in a later episode.

Quintus: Quintus has been a recurring character who’s crossed paths with Nicodemus and Matthew already, so it’s possible we will see a larger role from him as the series progresses.

Gaius: Matthew’s bodyguard has the same name as the recipient of 3 John, so we may continue to see his character developed as more seasons are released.

Shmuel and Yussif: These two Capernaum priests have thus far been in the background of Nicodemus’ main storyline, but it’s possible that we will continue to see more of them as their subplots break off from Nicodemus’ to play the roles of future Pharisee characters who challenge Jesus.

What Mainstream Period Dramas Got Right

Many Christian audiences love period dramas, so why hasn’t a Christian filmmaker made one yet? In the past decade, budding and established screenwriters have proven that a a period drama doesn’t need sensationalism to be good. In other words, a tasteful storyline with superior character development is the name of the game. Instead of only creating movies for niche audiences or confining stories to certain genres, Christian filmmakers need to branch out and dare to be different. Here at BOR, it is our opinion that this is the only way Christian movies can breach the secular/inspirational divide and be just as good as the competition – while promoting an important message. To start off, let’s take a look at a few exceptional period dramas that got it right.

Little Dorrit (2008)

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Andrew Davies’ depiction of Charles Dickens’ little known story, Little Dorrit, is a nearly perfect series on all counts. Davies brought the semi-boring original storyline to life by writing character-driven story that held the audience’s attention. From the first episode to the last, the story holds the viewer’s attention and causes the audience to fall in love with – or dislike – each character as they are, for neither group is all good or bad. Arthur and Amy’s complexly interwoven story is well-established through the use of flashbacks and engaging dialogue. Finally, while the ending is somewhat predictable, it is done in the best way through a healthy serving of ironic humor. Therefore, there are two main things Christian filmmakers can learn from this series.

Make your characters the first priority!

As a screenwriter, your characters should come alive on the page or they will never be engaging on-screen. From here, the screenplay should add further depth to already well-crafted characters. Throughout the remainder of the work, casting, filming, editing, etc., the characters should be give the first priority at all time. If your characters are good, then in this case, a pre-established storyline will follow their lead.

Please, don’t waste time on ‘filler’ dialogue.

Every conversation between the characters needs to be meaningful. Audiences are smart and will become easily bored with generic dialogue between characters. Make your dialogue count – the audience will recognize the difference.

Emma (2009)

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Sandy Welch’s depiction of Jane Austen’s posthumous work, Emma, is unsurpassed. Welch brings the characters to life by crafting excellent dialogue and clear personalities. Additionally, her humorous characters drive the plot and make this adaption stand out from it’s counterparts. There are not many good British comedies, but this is one of them. While Emma has many lessons for filmmakers everywhere, there is one big statement that Welch and company make in this series:

Devote ample time to discerning/crafting the personality of each character.
Each character in a story needs a clearly defined personality, even down to the minor characters. There should be no such thing as a one-dimensional character. Emma proves that developing a character’s personality brings a new level of depth and meaning to everything that happens in a story. There is much that goes into developing multi-dimensional characters, but developing a clear personality is a good start for any filmmaker.

Commit to finding a cast member that is perfect for each role

For every well-written story, there are actors out there who are perfect for the corresponding roles. In Emma, it is clear that time was devoted to finding cast members who were perfect for each role. Romola Garai and Jonny Lee Miller are strong leads because their portrayals of Emma and Mr. Knightley drive the plot. Because of the strong cast, this depiction of Austen’s novel is the best to date. In Christian film, there is a need for stronger casting. If your cast is bad, your movie will not be successful and will reach no one. If Christian filmmakers ever hope to one-up their competition, they must be devoted to their characters from start to finish.

Doctor Thorne (2016)

Julian Fellowes’ depiction of Anthony Trollope’s little-known book Doctor Thorne is both brilliant and engaging. Fellowes’ combination of excellent character development and witty dialogue makes for a clean, enjoyable comedy/drama that is palatable for all ages. Additionally, his subtle parody of social politics in high society adds much to the simple storyline. While there are many lessons to be learned from Fellowes’ screenwriting, he makes two main statements in this series.

Self-awareness is the key.

Fellowes demonstrates through this series that a simple storyline does not limit a film’s potential. Today’s audiences appreciate subtle parody and self-aware humor, both of which are found here. Gone are the days of stiff and awkward theatrical acting and vanilla storylines – so please, stop using them. Recent Christian films have raised the bar higher than ever on acting skills and dialogue expectations. A perfect story has both joy and sadness, pain and peace, humor and lasting lessons – and a really good ending.:)

Respect the intelligence of your audience.

Audiences do not need obvious cues and product placements to understand the message of your story. Once again, subtlety is the name of the game. However, subtlety and loss of meaning should not go hand in hand, rather, subtlety should be used to establish meaning. For instance, in Doctor Thorne, much of the run-time is devoted to developing a real romance between Mary and Frank. Additionally, there is no Pureflix-style message-pushing. Preachy dialogue and a forced agenda disrespects your audience and isolates people that could have been reached by the heart of your message (if it had one). The Erwin brothers have proven that a real message reaches everyone instead of a select group.

In light of all this, what can we conclude? Simply this: mainstream content is more far-reaching and influential than most Christian films because, for the most part, good mainstream screenwriters adhere to these guidelines and others. If Christian movies start respecting their audiences and portraying real people in their storylines, then their love for others will prove to the world that they are Jesus’ disciples (John 13:35, New Living Translation).

How to Lose Someone in 60 Seconds: Hallmark-Style

It’s that time again…Witty Wednesday!

This edition’s scenario:Let’s say that you’re a big business guru in the inspirational card-making, trinket-selling, and all around entertainment industry. Let’s say that someone who works for you is suddenly caught in the midst of a massive scandal. Someone…..someone….like this:

Who did something like this:

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As a big public figure, you can’t very well condone their actions, even though you may agree with some or all of them. So, what is one to do? Oh, I don’t know, the first thing that comes to mind is to put them in a box, then put that box inside of another box, and mail it to yourself. And when it arrives:

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You’re right! We must consider other options…I know! You could BANISH them from the face of the earth!

A third option, just for the sake of variety, would involve you stripping away all social/personal/any remote connections you had with said person and exposing their personal life to public criticism! HAHAHAHAHAHA….

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NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
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Her reaction: ^

However, if none of these options are appealing, you could start them on the path through a knock-down, drag-out, long, over-complicated, and never-ending court case!

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But wait, I know! The best thing to do here is combine all of these ideas into one for the ultimate showdown/elimination of said person from the face of the earth.

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Well, that pretty much sums up how to lose someone in 60 seconds…Hallmark-style.;)

Disclaimer: Please consult your lawyer or another legal authority before trying any of the above suggestions, we are not a legal representative and the above strategies are not to be considered as legal counsel.

Classifying B-grade Christian Movies

It’s that time again – Funny Friday! Anyone who has spent a considerable amount of time searching for quality Christian entertainment knows that B-grade Christian movies exist in abundance…and continue to be released! We here at BOR are well aware that many filmmakers struggle to raise money to support their dreams, however, we have also observed that some movies never needed to be made. It is these movies that are parodied below. Most or all of the following films can be found in the bowels of streaming services, on Pureflix.com, or for free on various websites (if you know what I mean). Enjoy!

The Cliffs of Insanity

Two words. Love Different. No one has made a movie like this to date. Let me break it down for those of you who haven’t watched it. There’s this single ‘white’ girl see, and she has a son. She applies for a job at a ‘black’ company who only has ‘black’ employees. This leads to many new experiences for white girl. From zany grocery store trips ending in her being carried out by her new black friend, to many scenes of awkward characters dancing and singing to their bathroom mirror while balancing toiletries on various appendages, this movie has a little something for everyone. Here’s the viewing experience you can expect while watching Love Different:

Jenn Gotzon is dancing in the bathroom mirror, audience’s response:

Anthony Hackett is rapping a song about lotion while looking in the bathroom mirror, audience’s response:

Related image

Pan to Jenn Gotzon ranting about food stamps in a very awkwardly expressive manner at the grocery store, Anthony Hackett is busy laughing and making off-color racial jokes and bumps into her at the counter (panicky breaths):

Image result for you threw off my groove meme

But we can’t forget another big category of Christian movies – end times movies. Oh yes, we’re going there. Perhaps the most unusual one we’ve ever reviewed here to date is Sunday Morning Rapture. Basically you go from your average introduction to multiple characters to complete and utter mayhem…you guessed it, the RAPTURE. Pan to shaking furniture, explosions, car crashes, and people watching news on every possible channel available in the universal cable TV package especially made for this film. And then…the cliffs of insanity. Pan to people in church rolling in the isles (literally) and throwing themselves at the altar in some attempt to bring back those who were RAPTURED, viewer’s response:

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Inconceivable

These films are easily recognized and can be identified by their zany, unusual, off-color, or just plain weird qualities. Obviously the most inconceivable movie in this category is yours truly, The Rev, we have honestly seen nothing like this film to date. Basically it goes from: Yo, three old guys are sittin’ on a bench reminiscing about the good ol’ days. Oh hey! Remember that one time…awkward thirty/forty-something white man appears on screen in a Walmart Elvis suit and eventually starts driving the movie donor’s convertible around (where is that music coming from?). Then he starts picking up random people off the road, including a suicidal has-been singer and a ‘prostitute’ in a Party City costume. Somewhere in there we have singing and dancing sequences I’ve wiped from my memory. This movie is like used chewing gum in your hair – you can cut it out, but you’ll never forget it.

Another movie that really deserves to be here is Tommy Blaze’s finest work, Me Again. If you want to watch a movie where the most insecure white man ever goes on a zany psychological journey in which he becomes an old chain restaurant owner with a bad heart, this same guy’s female housekeeper, an anorexic female model addicted to drugs, (it gets better) his own wife, a female baby, a goldfish, and his daughter’s boyfriend (perhaps his most fitting role)….

Image result for inconceivable meme

…..then this one is for you.

What in the world can that be? 

These movies usually feature a random appearance of an unexpected feature that in no way fits with the rest of the film.

You know when you’re watching a Christian movie that is either totes boring, mediocre, pushing an agenda, or average with some obvious production errors, when all of the sudden….is that a PEZ dispenser?

(radio silence)

If you don’t know which movie that generic gray-haired man was on, then I’ll leave it for you to search out on your own. Let’s just say he’s from a movie that is so bad it made it into two categories in this post.

As if the chicken man isn’t enough, there’s one more finalist here that we couldn’t resist featuring. The Adventures of Chris Fable . In some way, this film is trying to portray John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress….but we’re not sure how or why. You see, Chris is just a downtrodden boy….who suddenly is called to go on a journey that will change his life forever! “On their way to freedom,” he and his companions “encounter weird looking bugs, loud noises, shaking trees, a freaky CGI city, and a giant stomping robot.” (our founder, 2017). While watching, you will soon ask: “Will I ever make it out of this movie?”

Image result for there is no way out toy story meme

Yes, you’re very smart. Shut up.

Recent evidence has shown that this category extends to both movies and series. For instance, Peculiar season 1. What in the name of wet sandwich bread is going on here? This one has it all: Oh I’m just the average Christian kid who wants to protect himself from the big bad world by going to a Christian university…but can’t get in. This sticks me with going to a secular school who….has. no. sports. Oh no, now I have a sports-related injury and an evil atheist professor out to persecute me! What do I do? Why, sing, dance, and make weird jokes of course (in-between staged debates in front of the entire class with said professor). These parts of the movie will lead anyone with sanity to ask “Are you finished?” To which the professor will respond:

Image result for just wait till i get going meme

And when the student finally defeats the atheist professor, a fellow college student on a campus far, far, away will suddenly turn around and say to the camera:

Its obvious which movies fit in this category. For instance, A Matter of Faith, God’s Not Dead, and End of the Harvest .

I don’t think it means what you think it means

This post wouldn’t be complete if we didn’t take a look at the very best that B-grade Christian films have to offer: human trafficking, pro-life, and time travel films. First up, what do you get when you mix a few big-name Christian actors with an agenda-pushing storyline? Answer: Caged No More! Oh my word, this one is a real doozy. If you don’t get tired fast enough of Kevin Sorbo playing twin brothers (one with a fake British/Australian accent), trumped up action scenes, or pass out from boredom, Aggie’s voice will do the trick.

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If you finish watching Caged No More, you are really committed to the cause and deserve to watch Alison’s Choice! Otherwise known as the worst pro-life film to date. Here’s what you’ve got: Bruce Marchiano playing himself a janitor with a Jesus impersonation complex, a pregnant teen who sees visions of her CGI unborn child at the touch of said janitor’s hand, off-color racial ‘comedy’, and the ‘black female’ character. This agenda-pushing plotline is frequently punctuated with the phrase “choose life!”

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We’ve saved the best for last: Time Changer. If ever there were a time travel movie that would go down as the absolute worst, this is it. Let’s start out with a freeze frame from the film:

My time machine is far too complex for you to understand

‘Nuff said. Here’s the skinny: a seminary professor writes a textbook that doesn’t align with the morals displayed by Christ. His punishment? Travel into the future and be horrified at every turn by how terrible the world has become! Women wearing provocative clothing! Teenagers flushing their lives down the toilet! Matriarchy! Immorality! Card playing! Dancing…in church!!!

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Somewhere in there he jumps around from past, present, and future, and somehow gets back to the present in the pursuit of finding the end of time. How did he get here, there, and everywhere?

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That pretty much sums it up!

No more rhymes, I mean it!

You know when you’re watching a Christian ‘comedy’ and it either turns out to be completely weird, funny for all the wrong reasons, or so stupid that you can’t finish it? Well, this movie takes it to a whole ‘nother level: Spent The best summation I can come up with for this film without giving too much away is this: Dad’s dying, let’s get his money (evil laugh). Oh wait, he’s not actually dying….

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Ok, so since he’s not going to die naturally, time to come up with a backup plan! Hehehehehehehe. Hey Dad, guess what’s for dinner? Your favorite! Pizza pie! (waits while he eats it) Did you like it? Yeah it was (interruption) Well good, cause it was your LAST MEAL

But we haven’t even talked about Malibu Dan the Family Man Season 1 (it has two seasons!) or Hitting the Breaks! If you don’t know what this is, all you need to know is this. In the gif below, the protagonist in these absurd series is Buzz, and the audience is Woody.

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To conclude, to anyone reading this who is offended in any way, please know that this post is meant in fun and is not intended to shame or humiliate anyone. Current Christian filmmakers, if God was in the movie you were making, and you were not just doing it to please someone else or yourself, the audience and us will know. See our Hall of Fame for movies fitting this criteria.:)

When Calls The Heart: Lip Reading Part 1

Welcome back to Funny Friday here at BoxOfficeRevolution featuring even more WCTH parodies! Never fear for we have found more clever spoofs of everyone’s favorite show! This series features yet another ingenious video creator on YouTube. Hilariously reading what the characters in WCTH appear to be saying according to their lip movements. As always we hope you enjoy these video’s and if so remember go over to the creators channel and give them a thumbs up!

When Calls The Heart Crack/Song Spoof #2

Well it’s “Funny Friday” again. You know what time it is? It’s time for more When Calls The Heart Parodies! This is the second installment in this epic series of WCTH spoofs as before feel free to check out the rest on their channel. Also don’t forget to beg them to make more of these please!. (P.S don’t forget to laugh:)!

When Calls the Heart Crack/Song Spoof #1

This is an epic parody of everybody’s favorite show When Calls the Heart, that a pure genius created on YouTube. The creator ingeniously makes a hilariously funny spoof of this show using only songs, sorry “hearties” but i believe that even you will be joining in on the laughter as well. Without further introduction see below this epic artistry and check out the rest on their channel.

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 5 (MTASBTNEWOT 5)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

Strange….

For Such a Time

Why do we need so many Esther films?  This one looks like it was recorded with a handheld camera for a church play.  They obviously purchased all of their costumes and props at Walmart and decided to film a historical story in a modern house full of white people with too much makeup.  Production is terrible in all aspects and nothing these people are doing resembles acting.  This is so low quality that it doesn’t even warrant creation.

 

Just taking some pictures of flowers

The Bouquet

One of the wonders produced by Nasser Film Group, this one portrays Kristy Swanson and a whole bunch of other awkward cast members in a knockoff Hallmark movie about a group of people all hanging around the same property together trying to rehabilitate a dying flower business.  With laughable references to the internet and technology and the most juvenile forced romances ever, only watch this one if you need a good laugh.

 

Enough said

Midnight Stallion

In another face-palmer from Nasser, Kris Kristofferson attempts to portray a fifty-year-old man with a teenage daughter, although he was close to eighty years old at the time of this movie’s filming.  Hardly anything can be focused on at all in this formulaic, stereotypical, and predictable horse-saves-the-farm story except for Kristofferson’s terrible plastic surgery, constant grunting, and scenes of him pretending to ride a horse.  Whoever keeps casting old coots like Kristofferson needs to quit film making.

 

Well that’s all for now!  Maybe we’ll post another one someday…maybe not…

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 4 (MTASBTNEWOT 4)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

Living Water [2006]

From the obnoxious blaring harpsicord soundtrack to the generally terrible production quality, Living Water is possibly one of the worst films on record.  Based entirely off of borderline offensive racial stereotypes, there is really no pot here to speak of except for a save the church concept and a bunch of heavy-handed radio preaching that drives the so-called story.  As the movie goes from one juvenile drama to the next, the viewer (if they last through it) finds themselves either laughing or crying from embarrassment.  A word of advice: steer clear of this one unless you’re really bored.

 

Running [2015]

Made by a ministry of some sort, it’s unclear whether or not the creation of this film was justified.  The production money was spent on the wrong things, such as fancy vehicles, instead of spending it on practical things, such as better audio and video equipment.  The story is very thin and empty—it seems like nothing is really happening except characters pretending like they’re doing stuff.  Finally, the acting is deplorable, rounding out a very uninspiring movie you probably won’t ever get around to watching.

 

Only Once [1998]

Only watch this barely-one-hour Mormon movie if you like to laugh at extremely awkward and wooden teenage cast members trying to convey an otherwise important message.  There is an unbelievable amount of silence in this film as mindless and empty characters just stare at each other and as useless montages go by.  This story is overall childish and overly simplistic.  There is no way to understand the end, much less what we’re really supposed to get out of this.  But if you want a laugh, have a go at it.

 

Well that’s all for now!  Maybe we’ll post another one someday…maybe not…

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Christmas Edition (MTASBTNEWOT Christmas)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  For now, here’s a collection of Christmas films that fall into this category.

 

It’s very hard to explain

Beverly Hills Christmas

This is barely a Christmas movie at all except that it’s based on the typically bizarre magic premise you find in many knockoff holiday films.  Dean Cain and a Meryl Streep lookalike star in this movie that’s filled with wacko works-based theology and abstract vague fantasy lingo and concepts.  Apparently some dead woman has to get into heaven by making her spoiled brat daughter act good, so she decides to bring a nice kid back to life by shooting lightning into his skull even though Dean Cain told her not to touch people.  It’s a shame this off-the-wall movie wasted a decent character arc and a remotely interesting idea.

 

Look, a rose!

Natalie’s Rose

Also barely a Christmas film (or a Christian one), this time about a horse named—guess what—Rose.  Basically, this movie wastes an hour of your time on farm footage and sitting around talking before coming to the shocking conclusion: the horse is a “special” horse that turns into a rose.  [ENTER GIANT FACEPALM HERE].  No joke.  The production is terrible and most people won’t even make through the entire slogfest to see the main character having hallucinations about glowing horseback riders at night.  How this garbage gets made is beyond us.

 

DAX!

The Heart of Christmas

When you use kids with cancer as props and parade vain Christian actors and actresses in front of the camera in some kind of lame attempt to raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital in a shameless commercial soliciting you for money, we don’t have much respect for you.  Sure, St’ Jude’s does some great things and helps families in need, but can’t we just have a normal movie without all the advertising, drama, and pageantry?  They didn’t even try to make this true story a realistic plot.  It’s really shameful when you have characters telling you to make donations.

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 3 (MTASBTNEWOT 3)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

We're drowning in a sea of Mormonism
We’re drowning in a sea of Mormonism

Rescued [2008]

In this special edition of MTASBTNWOT, we examine the three WisenQuest movies that were reproduced by Candlelight Media Group to put a Mormon spin on them.  That’s right: Island of Grace has a twin!  All they had to do was change some of the evangelical themes to Mormon themes.  But also for some bizarre reason, they changed all the names of the cast members, even though they are the same people.  Apparently they thought that by changing the names, you would never know this was the same movie.  How stupid do they think people are?

 

I'm totes converting to Mormonism now
I’m totes converting to Mormonism now

Turn Around [2007]

It’s just like Overcome, but with ‘different’ cast members and Mormon bishops!  Instead of Jaycee Lynn, it’s Jaci Twiss!  Instead of Aaron Brown, it’s Jordon Sorensen!  It’s also based on some kind of Mormon story about Alma the Younger (whoever that is) instead of loosely based on the Apostle Paul.  But does anybody really care?

 

I'm Mormon now!
I’m Mormon now!

Beauty and the Beast: A Latter Day Tale

Once again, Matthew Reese replaces Matthew Davis (not really, they’re the same guy).  This fairytale now has a latter day spin on it!  Seriously people, why would you pretend that it’s a different movie by changing the title and the cast member names but not the character names (oh look at that: they didn’t change Caitlyn E. J. Meyer’s name)?  What’s the point of copying on top of another film just so you can have a version that suits your section of beliefs?  Might as well copy all other Christian films and Mormon-ize them while you’re at it.

 

Well that’s all for now!  Maybe we’ll post another one someday…maybe not…

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 2 (MTASBTNEWOT 2)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

Our reaction to this film
Our reaction to this film

Heaven’s Door

Travel to a magical fantasy land where Dean Cain, that odd girl from Your Love Never Fails, and some other C-grade cast members discover the truth about the afterlife.  When the kid from the previously mentioned Hallmark movie accidentally kicks a soccer ball into a tree, she discovers that the tree actually holds a portal into the heavenly dimension.  If you don’t believe her, then shame on you.  Anyways, one thing leads to another and the girl’s psychic grandmother reveals to her that she talks to the girl’s unborn sibling (who died in a miscarriage) about how the portal will save her family from splitting apart or something.  It’s sort of like the teenage David A. R. White from Second Glance trying to save his family, but not really.  In the end, they all have to learn that talking to the dead will tell you the future and that this is somehow a Christian movie[/sarcasm].  If you don’t agree with this movie’s message, then you’re the Grinch who stole Hallmark cards.

 

Who knows what this cover is trying to convey
Who knows what this cover is trying to convey

This is the Day

With films like these, we can see why garbage like Princess Cut wins awards at film festivals.  If you can watch this film for five minutes without going batty from the incessant banging background ‘soundtrack’ and the constant fidgeting of several cast members, you can learn that the poor dying man lying in the bed with the trophy has cancer and he needs some seaweed to cure him.  Also, he needs his friend to find his daughter for him.  Any other dialogue was totally lost on us as we could not understand it due to the ‘soundtrack’.  God only knows what this nonsense is trying to convey.

 

Crosspoint

Most readers will probably never even find this ‘lost’ film as it was exclusively sold at a local church (we reserve the right to not disclose how we came upon a copy).  Basically, some lawyer guy likes to ride motorcycles with the ‘guys’ and his wife wants him to go to church and spend time with their son.  But he decides to ride one last time and his son goes out on a dangerous bike and crashes (offscreen) and ends up in the church hallway hospital under the care of a local mafia leader rich guy pretending to be a doctor[/insidejoke].  There’s not really much to be learned here since it’s so short and shallow; the acting is so bad that this can barely be classified as a movie.  We just had to include here for reasons.

 

Well that’s all for now!  Maybe we’ll post another one someday…maybe not…

Unexpected Places [2012] (Movie Review)

Is that another Christian film group calling?

Plot Summary

Pam likes to control her life.  She likes to persuade her boss to give her more power in the workplace and she likes to control the lives of her sons, even though she doesn’t agree with all their choices.  One son, a delinquent druggie, is sent to live with her and her husband so that he can begin to turn his life around.  The other son is living with his girlfriend and their child, with another on the way.  Pam wants her life to look nice and neat on the outside, so she takes steps in her own strength to make this a reality.  However, she quickly discovers that she cannot do everything and that she needs to look to God for her strength.

 

Production Quality (0 points)

Unfortunately, there is nothing positive to point out in this film.  From low quality video to terrible audio quality to shaky camera work, this one is a doozy.  Lighting is bad in a majority of the scenes, and the sets are very cheap-looking.  An annoying Hallmark soundtrack clanks the entire time, sometimes louder than the dialogue.  Transitions between scenes are very abrupt and some scenes appear to be missing.  This horrid editing job is basically just cut and paste—even if it means key information is cut off or left out.  It really seems like this crew had no idea what they were doing.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

We’re at a loss as to what this movie is even about.  With confusing dialogue filled with abstract figures and workplace lingo, it’s like the characters are malfunctioning robots.  The protagonist herself comes off a very dense and not connected to reality, even though she’s very serious about what she does.  The subplots are disjointed and appear pasted together from multiple different movie ideas.  The conflict therein is mindless and isolating; audiences are not able to connect with the struggles of the characters.  With no focus or main point, the storyline comes down to an empty ending that teaches a dangerous half-truth, which will be discussed at the end of this review.  Essentially, there was little reason for this idea to be approved for filming, let alone release.

Acting Quality (0 points)

Crystal Creek Media has a penchant for casting very wooden actors and actresses.  There is nothing wrong with using amateurs and they can certainly be coached, but coaching does not exist in Crystal Creek Media’s budget.  Cast members are emotionless throughout the film, delivering uninspiring monotone lines, like they’re reading from cue cards.  I’m sure they meant well, but it doesn’t show.

Conclusion

When it comes down to it, Unexpected Places simply does not properly deliver whatever message it is trying to convey.  What’s worse, the ending preaches a very dangerous idea: that when someone becomes a Christian, their life is automatically turned around in every aspect.  There is no question that when someone is saved by surrendering to Jesus, their life is totally transformed.  Yet this film appears to suggest that salvation takes away all of a person’s sin struggles; this is something that may confuse and frustrate those new to the faith.  In the end, few will find this film even fully watchable, which is just another testament to the sad state of Christian film.

 

Final Rating: 0 out of 10 points

 

Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 1 (MTASBTNEWOT 1)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

The Young Believers

If you want to see the cheapest church skit ever, view this gem.  Starring less than fifteen cast members, a majority of the scenes consist of the four main characters awkwardly standing in front of a wall or a fence.  They spit out preprogrammed lines that demonstrate an isolationist Christian view of the world, as well as the world record for the usage of the word ‘dude’.  There are more production errors that can be counted and the acting is just horrific.  With no real plot to speak of, we decided that it didn’t warrant a full review.

 

Our thoughts exactly
Our thoughts exactly

Raising Izzie

Borderline Christian films are the worst.  Are they trying to be Christian or are they trying to make fun of it?  Who knows.  Regardless, this film depicts one of the most bizarre versions of Christianity we have ever seen, complete with magic blankets.  Characters scream at each other in the most annoying ways and you really never know what’s coming next.  The plot is based on such weird pretzel logic regarding child custody that we don’t even know who to believe on this one.  Anyways, just steer clear.

 

What you see is what you get
What you see is what you get

On Angel’s Wings

This one escaped from the Disney channel for sure.  Featuring a teenage girl with first world problems conversing with the reincarnation of Peter Pan (yes, there is an actual flying scene in this film), this one is a real drug trip doozy sprinkled with Christian themes.  Replete with music videos to the tune of free background music, this film is obviously disingenuous and one big joke, boasting one of the most half-hearted casts ever.  Only watch this one if you feel like a laugh.

What Audiences Want

Per the Calgary Herald, When Calls the Heart fans, also known as #Hearties, are very much in love with the Hallmark series because it’s family friendly and wholesome.  At the beginning of the show, there was an attempt to craft meaningful characters, and fans still hold on to this, even though character quality has significantly decreased since the inaugural season.  Michael Landon Jr. right hand man Brian Bird has said before that their show fills a deep desire in fans for wholesome entertainment.

So what does this mean?  It means that however cheesy and disappointing WCTH may become, they still have a devoted fan base because there’s nothing else. WCTH exists in a vacuum.  They were obviously trying harder at first because they had to, but now they don’t have to try because there’s no competition in their genre.  This is a sad reality, because there is so much potential in WCTH alone, but we firmly believe that this genre of TV series is largely untapped.  What if there were even better family-friendly weekly series on television and on-demand services?

Christian and inspirational viewers may like certain aspects of non-family-friendly entertainment (this definition is very broad and subjective), they still desperately want wholesome entertainment.  So where are the Christian creative geniuses?  Entertainment still remains to be another area where western Christians have allowed other ideas to fill the vacuum.  The inspirational genre is starved for quality creations.  Hallmark, despite their flaws, would likely approve any series that marketed well and was crafted for their target audience.  The vast world of on-demand entertainment remains untapped by Christians.

What we need is a generation of creative Christians to rise up and redeem entertainment by making better entertainment.  Due to financial constraints, they would obviously have to start out small, but it’s better to start somewhere than nowhere.  If God wants you to create redemptive entertainment, then He will provide.  We must be open to what God wants us to create, because as we have seen, entertainment has a profound effect on western culture and even the entire world.  Christian entertainment has too long been dominated by low-quality and propaganda-ridden sediment, and it’s time for that to change.