Movies That Are So Bad They’re Not Even Worth Our Time, Part 7 (MTASBTNEWOT 7)

In our vast Christian entertainment viewing experience, we sometimes come upon films that we can hardly justify writing a full review for.  Therefore, for your convenience, so you don’t have to go watch those free films that invade your suggested watch list in on-demand video services, we’ve provided a quick overview here.  Someday we might post more, if we’re fortunate enough to find more.

 

Lazer Us: The Legend of Jimi Lazer

In this strangely-titled film that appears to convey something about Lazarus, a guitarist named Jimi Lazer is depicted as he stumbles upon a magic guitar that gets him in contact with the Devil!  As a musician, Jimi wants riches and fame just like the next guy, so he sells his soul to the Old Liar.  Essentially, Lazer Us is a trippy, LSD-style drug trip from the 60s that has an unhealthy obsession with Satanism and tries to warn aspiring artists to stay away from Lucifer.  Unfortunately, the time spent on Satan is disproportionate, and the storyline is overall extremely confusing and hard to follow, which is why it landed here.

 

Pocket Angel

As a basically unknown new film from this year, Pocket Angel is in a category all by itself–almost rivaling The Rev for cartoonishness.  Apparently some reporter is assigned to a story in Mexico, so she takes her newly adopted son along.  Most of her lines are overdubbed in the most horrible way, and she comes off as a cruel parody of a Hispanic character.  Her son is kidnapped by the most childish cartoon villains you can dream of and held for random.  As a majority of the film consists of ridiculous sound effects from Lost in Silver Canyon, it’s easy to miss the creepy angel characters that peddle Pocket Angel figurines from a Christian bookstore to the characters.  Basically, this film is mostly inexplicable.

 

A Wish For Giants

When a girl who just contracted brain cancer is given a chance to have her wish fulfilled by a non-profit, she does what every girl would do and wishes to see Bigfoot.  The non-profit actually takes her seriously and assigns a summer intern to the case.  This film is full of boring and drab sequences that utilize terrible production quality.  There is also a lot of Bigfoot message-pushing and some vague reference to the Nephilim that are off-putting.  It goes without saying that the acting is basement-level deplorable.  As a whole, this movie is extremely strange and hard to follow, which is why it has found a home here.

 

Well that’s all for now!  Maybe we’ll post another one someday…maybe not…

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July 23, 2018December 31, 2018 by Box Office Revolutionary Categories: Announcements and Opinion PiecesTags: 2014, 2018, A.J. Dunbar, Aaron Dunbar, Alexa Mechling, Alexandria Sertik, Amanda Corbin, Amber Gonzales, Amy Landon, Anastassia Ash, Autumn Claypool, Ava Marie Hudson, Bill Rush, Blanket Hill Productions, Bridgestone Multimedia Group, Christopher Elliott, Cine Del Sol Productions, Colleen Unrau, Connor McClain, Corey Melton, CubeCity Entertainment, Curium Films, Curt Costanzo, Dan Haggerty, Don Swanson, Elijah Black, Frankie Skrzeszewski, J.P. Edwards, Jim Yorfido, Joe Dedon, Joe Fishel, John Beckett, John Claus, Kennedy Garvin, Kristine Neumann, Krystal Teal, Madalynn Eckman, Mann Munoz, Mark Clifford, Mark D'Errico, Martin Geiger, Mary Dunbar, Miq Munoz, Monica Sertik, MTASBTNEWOT, Naysa Altmeyer, Nicole Stewart, Pam Yorfido, Patrick Mitchell, Rebecca Dunbar, Robbie Beniuk, Robert Nowak, Robert Tanos, Roberto Munoz, Spruce Films, Stan Gordon, Tanya Rigley, Thomas Nelson, Tim Ash, Todd Johns, Todd Melville, Vee Russell, Victor Anthony, William G. Hobbs Leave a comment

Forty Nights [2016] (Movie Review)

Plot Summary

Before Jesus began His earthly ministry, He was baptized by His cousin John and then set out to fast in the desert wilderness for forty days and forty nights.  As He sought His Father’s will in the desert, Satan tempted Him in every way imaginable to try to derail His ministry before it started.  As Jesus grew weaker and weaker and the devil became more and more relentless, the fate of humanity hung in the balance.  Choices had to be made to bring the world back from the brink.

 

Production Quality (2 points)

It’s undeniable that time and money were spent to make Forty Nights a quality production.  Camera work and video quality are professional.  The audio quality is also on point, including an effective soundtrack.  Shooting on location is excellently executed as the sets and locations are realistic.  All of this is great, but it is detracted from by the glaring presence of cheap special effects, obvious CGI, and weird sound effects throughout.  Sometimes these conventions are used to be ‘dramatic’ or something, but it really gives the film a cheesy feel.  Overall, this is a fine production, but it would have been much better without the bizarre effects.

Plot and Storyline Quality (.5 point)

What started out as an applaudable effort to create a unique Bible plot quickly became a trainwreck, unfortunately.  The story rushes through Biblical events and alters some of them for convenience sake so that sensational extra-Biblical content can be focused on.  Though the entire plot is based on dialogue, as it should be, it is too isolating and meandering.  Often, the dialogue is extremely formal and Shakespearean to the point of not feeling like these are real people talking.  Though there are some interesting philosophical conversations and ideas, they are not enough to outweigh the stoic and robotic nature of this plot.  Also, this story commits the unforced error of implying that Jesus doesn’t know certain things and that Satan knows more than Him, probably in an attempt to make things more climactic or something.  But it is unwise and irresponsible to insinuate such things and undermines the entire message.  Finally, though the ending is fine and there is an overall good point somewhere in this film, it’s not enough to overshadow the glaring errors present here.

Acting Quality (.5 point)

However, the acting is perhaps the biggest element that drags this movie down.  The only remotely good thing to say here is that the costuming is mostly realistic.  Otherwise, this acting is far too theatrical and practiced.  Line delivery is measured, stilted, and robotic.  Emotions are flat and lifeless.  Though the dialogue is a problem to begin with, we can’t even feel like these cast members are real people.  This in and of itself makes this film basically unwatchable.

Conclusion

Unfortunately, Forty Nights basically boils down to The Book of Ruth with more money behind it.  This was a really good idea that has been sadly wasted due to annoying acting and a thin plotline.  Yet there are also other issues to discuss.  These days, there seems to be an overdone effort to ‘humanize’ Jesus in film to the point that He is no longer omniscient.  While I am not one to nitpick over theology, I believe this is a dangerous position to take.  We know that Jesus certainly had physical limitations while on earth, but to believe that Satan ever knew more than He did is very dangerous.  While Jesus was absolutely tempted in every way and while this is great to portray in a film, this was unfortunately not the way to do it.  We realize that films need conflict and climax to be successful, but there is no human conflict within the person of Jesus Christ.  There is never a good excuse to create a new gospel for the sake of drama.

 

Final Rating: 3 out of 10 points

 

Full disclosure: We were provided by the creator with a copy of this film in exchange for a fair and honest review

February 7, 2017January 11, 2019 by Box Office Revolutionary Categories: Biblical, Historical, Movie Reviews, PsychologicalTags: 2016, 3 points, Anthony Hornus, Bible, Biblical, Brandon Tyler, Claude Bianco, Collective Development, Dan Haggerty, Dean Teaster, Dennis Therrian, DJ Perry, Drew Wise, Eddie Kaulukukui, Grace Latourette, Historical, Jesse Low, Joe Cipriano, Lightworx Entertainment, Logan Kishi, Lucas Garibay, Melissa Anschutz, Nick Nitti, Nicolas Dana, Psychological, Quest Trilogy, Rance Howard, Rebecca Lawlor, Robert Bradley, Shane Hagedorn, Stetson Bloomfield, Taylor Nichols, Taymour Ghazi, Terry Jernigan 4 Comments

The Book of Ruth: A Journey of Faith (Movie Review)

Plot Summary

A grieving widow at risk of losing more family members, Naomi is confused and disillusioned to her Jewish faith as she resides in a pagan country.  When her two sons die, Naomi makes up her mind to return to her homeland in disgrace.  One daughter-in-law, Orpah, turns away and goes back to her idols, but Naomi’s other daughter-in-law, Ruth, insists on going to the land of Israel with her mother-in-law to further adapt the Jewish faith and to take care of Naomi.  Together, they are uncertain of the path ahead of them but they forge forward, clinging to some hope that Yahweh will look upon them with favor.

 

Production Quality (.5 point)

Besides clear video quality, there is nothing positive to mention regarding The Book of Ruth’s production.  This film commits every cardinal sin of Bible movies: cheap sets and locations, ridiculous costuming and props, inconsistent sound quality, and choppy editing.  To top things off, a lot of scenes are overshadowed by annoying background music, making it hard to focus on what’s actually going on in the story.  Sometimes the music even covers up dialogue.  There is really little to make this movie worth watching.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

The story of Ruth can and should be adapted to film, but this particular adaptation is just C-grade.  Beginning with Oded telling the story to a young David, this tale portrays Biblical characters in an unrealistic light.  It is usually difficult to understand what the characters are supposed to be doing in this movie, whether they are staring at flowers or rubbing random pieces of wood together.  It doesn’t even seem like this plot was meant to be a movie, more like a church play, as we have often mentioned in the past regarding PureFlix Scriptural storylines.  Any potentially good dialogue is eclipsed by odd monologues about Moabite gods and inventive cultural customs.  As previously mentioned, a lot of the dialogue and plot is covered up by loud background music.  In short, there is very little ability to comprehend the actual Biblical message here.

Acting Quality (0 points)

In this film, the actors and actresses stand awkwardly and recite overly practiced lines.  No believable emotion is exhibited and line delivery is amateurishly theatrical.  The casting was poorly executed, as they are too modern in look and not coached at all.  There is too much makeup and manicures, like middle class Americans wrapped in cheap church play costumes.  Once again, we could find nothing positive here.

Conclusion

The Book of Ruth is one of those movies we wish never existed.  When a Biblical adaptation is this bad, it makes us severely embarrassed for both Christians and unbelievers alike who thought this movie would be good, only to later find that it was a DVD that should have been quietly forgotten about and later donated to the local thrift store.  A word of advice to those who are contemplating a Bible movie: learn from the mistakes of movies like The Book of Ruth and never, ever repeat them.  The Christian movie world cannot afford any more movies like this one.

 

Final Rating: .5 out of 10 points

February 21, 2016January 18, 2019 by Box Office Revolutionary Categories: Biblical, Comedy, Historical, Inspirational, Movie Reviews, RomanceTags: 1/2 point, 2009, Bible, Biblical, Carman, Christopher Flores, Dan Haggerty, Dennis Therrian, DJ Perry, Eleese Lester, Fred Griffith, Gretchen Becker, Historical, Inspirational, Kera O'Bryon, Lana Wood, Moabite Makeup, Nicholas X. Parsons, PureFlix, Ray Nikolaison, Rebecca Holden, Reel Frog Entertainment, Richard Raucci, Rick Chess, Robert Shepherd, Romance, Roy D. Hunter Jr., Russ Stine, Salvatore DiSalvatore, Sherry Morris, Stephen Patrick Walker, walking montages 1 Comment