Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas (Movie Review)

Get ready to slide into that New Jerusalem bro
Get ready to slide into that New Jerusalem bro

Plot Summary

The war on Christmas is everywhere, dontcha know?  I mean, we can’t even talk out Santa Claus anymore.  If we say Merry Christmas, we’re practically blackballed in social circles.  We can’t even put Christmas trees or neigh-tivity scenes on government property anymore (or Muslim symbols for that matter).  Something has got to change before ‘Merica becomes one of those atheistic third world countries we buy Christmas junk from.  We need a hero to save our Christmas traditions from extinction.  Never fear, Kirk Cameron is that hero!  Join him on a quest to turn the hardest Scrooge heart back to the good ole’ days of Christmas.  Join Kirk in a meditation experience unlike any other as he guides your mind to focus on rocks, trees, snow globes, ornaments, and nutcrackers.  Experience the Christmas spirit in a way you’ve never experienced it before—with Kirk Cameron as your Christmas Zen master.  By the time it’s over, you’ll want all the Buzz-Saw Louie’s you can grab, because that’s what Christmas is really about.  You’ll probably also join the awkward white yuppie people dance-off to the tune of Family Force 5 Christmas, prompted by your stereotypical black friend DJ.  Get your tickets today, this is a show you don’t want to miss (not)!

 

Production Quality (-3 points)

Saving Christmas is a real doozy, even more so than Mercy Rule, if that’s even possible.  Starting with the three opening sequences and concluding with the two most ridiculous scenes in modern Christian film, space does not permit us to truly convey the lunacy of this film.  Filled with endless narration from the egotistical Cameron, this production is an explosion of every Christmas decoration you can imagine.  As an annoying Christmas soundtrack blares in your ears, you are forced to be subjected to Cameron’s famed use of slow motion and freeze frames, obviously to improve the runtime and give Kirk more chances to impart his wisdom.  The barely one-hour runtime is also propped up by recycled footage, stock footage, scenes of characters endlessly staring, and even an entire minute of total silence.  Besides all this, the meditation on Christmas is aided by fading out to the same scene several times.  Sets are severely limited to an extravagantly decorated house, a vehicle, and some random outdoor scenes.  We could go on and on, but we would risk becoming as long-winded as Cameron.  Basically, think of the worst possible production scenario in a film, and this would be it.

Plot and Storyline Quality (-3 points)

While there is really not plot to speak of, there is plenty of madness to speak of, from its schizophrenic structure to its racial stereotypes.  As Cameron attempts to tie every Westernized holiday tradition back to the Bible with bizarre correlations and to lead the audience in creepy meditation on these objects, we are left to ponder some extremely head-scratching and sometimes disturbing ideas.  For instance, Cameron advocates for outright violence through the less than historically accurate retelling of Saint Nicolas.  If somebody doesn’t agree with you, body-slam them!  Also, when a character brings up the excellent point of the consumerist waste of Christmas, saying that the money could be spent on charitable work instead, Cameron just laughs it off and later encourages Christians to spend all they want on themselves at Christmas time, just to make sure not to ‘max out the credit card’.  But the nonsensical ramblings are not limited to materialistic apologetics—the centerpiece of the film is Cameron’s strange and laughable holiday concepts, such as trying to link nutcrackers to Roman soldiers and Christmas gifts to the New Jerusalem or something.  While he falls further and further down the rabbit hole of forced correlations, he makes light of real issues in his quest to shove his ridiculous worldview down your throat.  There is far too much nonsense in this film to discuss at length here, but the bottom line of Saving Christmas is that Kirk Cameron paints a giant strawman out of people who disagree with his outrageous claims that white Christians should grab all they can at Christmastime while totally disregarding the poor and less fortunate.  His position is indefensible and has no place in Christian film.

Acting Quality (-3 points)

Besides the patriarchal superiority and zany ‘holiday cheer’ displayed by the self-centered Cameron, his costars enablers post performances that will be forever remembered—for all the wrong reasons.  Darren Doane, who tolerated and assisted Cameron in creating this madness for some reason, comes off as a rambling lunatic.  David Shannon is perhaps one of the most self-parodying actors in history.  From start to finish, Saving Christmas will go down in history as one of the worst films ever.

Conclusion

There is no comprehending the twisted mind of Kirk Cameron.  Calling himself a fundamentalist Christian and donning the cape of a hero who claims to stand for religious freedom, Cameron decides to throw off convention again and opt for…advocating for materialistic Christianity?  Seriously, who cares about Christmas ornaments looking like ‘stylized fruit’?  Why do we need to defend and cling to snow globes, nutcrackers, and creepy Santa’s in order to be better Christians?  If this movie is to be believed, there is no difference between westernized Christmas traditions and the Scriptures.  This is wrong on a number of levels.  Saving Christmas is not only a terribly lame attempt at filmmaking, nor is it only a total waste of your time: it is an affront to the ‘true meaning of Christmas’ because it suggests and infers that Christians just need to have a lot of stuff to be happy.  This childish notion has no place in Christian film and Kirk Cameron should no longer be regarded as a legitimate filmmaker.  He has plumbed the depths of horrible film making and has written the proverbial book on how to run a film into the complete ground.  It’s little wonder he has not made a movie since this one.

 

Final Rating: -10 out of 10 points

 

Mercy Rule (Movie Review)

Plot Summary

John Miller inherited his father’s recycling business, along with his brother Ben, and he would do anything to keep it alive.  John is also dedicated to his family, and to his son’s baseball aspirations.  But his carefully ordered world is tested when his son struggled with baseball and when a shrewd government agent threatens to shut down the recycling business over obscure new regulations.  Consumed with saving his business, John begins to forget what matters most in life—and he must remember before it is too late.

 

Production Quality (-2 points)

When a movie begins with the creator telling the viewers that it’s going to be a good movie, it’s probably not going to be good.  This is the case with Mercy Rule.  The production of this film is unlike anything Box Office Revolution has ever witnessed.  From inconsistent aspect ratios to head-scratching camera work to poor lighting to the most insane scene cuts in the history of filmmaking, Mercy Rule is an experience that is not easily forgotten.  The camera angles are very amateurish, like the camera is either sitting on a table while a scene takes place in the distance or shoved up in somebody’s face.  There are multiple points in the movie where two different subplots are being carried out, but they cut back and forth violently, giving only five seconds of time to each before jumping back, and so on.  What’s worse is that there are scenes included in the film that seem like bloopers, like they accidentally left the camera running over in the corner.  In short, the production is so bad that it warrants negative points for the first time in Box Office Revolution history.

Plot and Storyline Quality (-1 points)

The actual plot of Mercy Rule evades our comprehension.  The entire first half of the movie is constant narration and baseball highlight reels.  Then the viewers are taken down a unique journey into the fascinating world of government regulations on recycling companies.  From there, slow-motion scenes, blooper reels, incomprehensible events, and painful dialogue litter the landscape.  The end of the plot is just as bad as the rest of it.  Once again, negative points must be awarded because the viewing experience is so bad.

Acting Quality (-2 points)

Mercy Rule is likely one of the worst acted movies of all time.  The few actors in the cast are poorly coached and borderline unbearable in their delivery.  The presence of Tim Hawkins takes this cast to a whole new level.  BOR does not wish to personally attack any person in any movie reviews, but this lackluster show of acting must be called out if Mercy Rule is considered a serious Christian film.

Conclusion

What else can be said?  Kirk Cameron rated this movie on his own rating system, which suggests a certain attitude of arrogance.  His motives for wanting to create a family-friendly movie to counteract Hollywood garbage are commendable, and Christian film makers everywhere should want to do this as well.  But to place the label ‘Christian’ on such a poorly produced and acted film such as this one further degrades the title ‘Christian film’.  Christian movies should stand out from other movies not only in their message, but also in the way they are made.  Christians are not meant to throw half-hearted productions together just to have a movie and then complain about being persecuted for their faith when someone criticizes their creation.  Movies like Mercy Rule will neither draw people to Christianity nor will they strengthen current Christians.  Instead, they will make Christians and non-Christians alike continue to roll their eyes when they hear about ‘just another Christian film’.

 

Final Rating: -5 out of 10 points