The Cabin [2019] (Movie Review)

The Cabin (2019)

Plot Summary

Roy, a former pastor, has decided to go out to a secluded cabin in the woods to determine whether or not the spiritual realm exists. He’s determined to lock himself in until something spiritual manifests, which attracts the undue attention of various supernatural forces, both good and evil. In the end, Roy will have to battle for his soul, using homemade armor, against poorly animated demons!

Production Quality (.5 point)

Although the video quality of The Cabin is fine, this is the only positive production element. The camera work is very shaky, including some really wacky camera angles, and the audio leaves something to be desired due to its background sounds, constant generic soundtrack, and weird sound effects. Also, the sets, props, and locations are quite cheap, and it goes without saying that the special effects are terrible. Elsewhere, the flashbacks are unnecessarily black and white, and editing is sub-par. Essentially, this is an unacceptably bad production, but it’s not even the worst of what this awful film has to offer.

Plot and Storyline Quality (-3 points)

Although The Cabin‘s plot begins with boring sequences of activities of daily living and vanilla dialogue that produces cardboard characters, things quickly become much more outrageous. Through a combination of stupid jump scares, blank scenes where basically nothing happens, cheesy found footage sequences, and drug trip montages that are nearly impossible to quantify, this film successfully finds its way all the way down to the bottom of the barrel. Besides the forced drama that has no logical lead-up, the narrative is so vague that it’s barely even a story and completely lacks purpose. However, this doesn’t even though the fact that many of the plot points lack realistic support and that the spiritual elements of the story are either portrayed in juvenile ways or through very bizarre methods that cause the viewer to question whether or not the screenwriters actually comprehended the serious subject matter they wrote about. Basically, the movie’s second half is utter nonsense and full of over-the-top sensationalism such that it makes a laughingstock of otherwise important spiritual topics. It’s incredibly difficult to include all of the complete madness that’s contained within this one screenplay without asking the audience to see for themselves, but that would be a total waste of their time.

Acting Quality (1.5 points)

Despite other glaring problems in The Cabin, the acting is actually quite average, considering the fact that there’s not much for the cast members to work with. Not many lines are demanded of them due to the abysmal writing, but many of the performances contain forced emotions. Nonetheless, this section isn’t all bad, but it’s not enough to salve the utter disaster that is this film.

Conclusion

The Cabin puts the proverbial icing on the bad cake that JC Films made in 2019. Flooding the market with tons of sub-par movies is never the way to go, as we’ve previously stated. Doing such will inevitably lead to horrific disasters like this one that further tarnish the reputation of Christian entertainment. All that can really be learned from train wrecks like this are how not to do it and how important it is to continually produce more quality creations in the future.

Final Rating: -1 out of 10 points

Megan’s Christmas Miracle (Movie Review)

Plot Summary

When Meghan and her father were forced to move to West Virginia when he lost his job, she absolutely hated it.  However, in the future, as she looks back upon this time, she likes how she was able to teach some local girls how to dance and how she was in a Christmas play that year.  She was able to reestablish her relationship with her father, which still affected her as she grew older.

Production Quality (.5 point)

Megan’s Christmas Miracle, though it’s a 2018 production, is one of the cheapest-looking in recent memory.  Although video quality is fine, the camera work is a wild ride that includes bizarre camera angles and roving shots that are dizzying.  Besides this, the limited sets and locations are very cheaply lit, like this was literally filmed in somebody’s extra house, and the props are also lacking.  There’s also weird audio quality with obvious background sounds and barely any soundtrack, and there is no editing to speak of or any substantial transitions between scenes.  This rounds out a very poor production effort for 2018.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

It was a monumental struggle to even fabricate anything to write for the plot summary of this film because it’s so wanting for content that it’s sad.  With basically no storyline or plot concept to work with, the characters are extremely empty and cheesy due to flat and uninspiring dialogue.  Other than predictable Christmas concepts and stereotypical small-town and ‘bad teenager’ characters, there is little to sustain this movie’s painful runtime other than drab conversations and riveting activities of daily living (ADL’s).  For a brief moment, some confusing ‘magical’ elements are teased out of left field before they disappear just as soon as they came.  Essentially, as one thing after the next happens with no organization or continuity, there is little to no nope of potential in this ‘story.’

Acting Quality (1 point)

Understandably, a majority of the cast members in this film seem bored and uninterested with the job they’ve been subjected to, and who wouldn’t be with this little amount of lines to work with?  No coaching is evident as lines are half-heartedly delivered and as emotions are flippant.  While some cast members appear to actually care about this film enough to put forth some sort or effort, it’s only enough to keep this section from being zero, which surprisingly makes this area the best of the film.

Conclusion

What exactly is this film going for?  I feel like we ask ourselves this question a lot when reviewing Christian films – especially Christmas ones.  It would be one thing if Megan’s Christmas Miracle was from the early 2000s, but 2018 films are expected to be higher quality than this with the recent upgrades and newfound advantages for independent Christian films, especially in the area of production.  A production this bad is unacceptable in this new era, so any production below average is basically an automatic disqualifier because there’s no more excuses.

Final Rating: 1.5 out of 10 points

Virtuous [2015] (Movie Review)

Plot Summary

After Simone Burner is attacked by the grandson of a powerful man, she is arrested for the grandson’s murder and mostly everybody in the city turns against her for no particular reason.  Therefore, she has to seek out the help of an estranged attorney who doesn’t really like her as her last resort.  Meanwhile, there are tons of others subplots are all going on at the same time as other random characters are briefly introduced who have very loose connections to the original point.  With so much going on, the question is not what will happen, but will anyone understand what is happening?

 

Production Quality (2 points)

Virtuous has a professional and adequate production, as evidenced by clear video quality, good camera work, acceptable audio quality, and an intriguing soundtrack.  Sets, locations, and props are professionally chosen and presented.  On the surface, it seems like Virtuous checked all the necessary boxes to receive a passing score.  However, the major detractor here is the horrific editing.  Somewhere in post-production, someone needed to sit down and have a serious talk with the JC Films team about whether or not it’s justified to have a 150 minute film that has next to no continuity.  This was the editor’s job; however, this was not done, and thus, it leaves a gaping hole in this film.

Plot and Storyline Quality (.5 point)

As previously mentioned, this perhaps the most convoluted and non-continuous plot in all of our viewing days.  With hundreds of subplots that have very little connection to one another, there is no way to make sense of what is going on as the story hops from one random thing to the next.  There’s all kinds of intrigue with this local judicial and law enforcement system and how corrupt businessmen are trying to control stuff, plus some stereotypical down-on-his-luck who takes on a seemingly impossible case that has some ties to a non-profit involving Erin Bethea, and this doesn’t even cover the random guy in the hospital and the nurse who takes care of him who also has a questionable position on the jury of the original trial.  This previous run-on sentence doesn’t even cover all the points Virtuous tries to expand on.  It’s like twelve different people all had ideas and decided to shove them all together into one bloated film.  With so much going on, there is no hope for character development as dialogue is stunted and all over the place.  The only characters that stand out are strawmen villains, unfortunately.  Yet despite all of this massive blending of concepts, there is a really interesting idea somewhere lost in the fray that would be better served in a miniseries format.  It’s disappointing to see good ideas go to such waste, especially when it’s like this.

Acting Quality (1.5 points)

With so many cast members, it’s really hard to keep up.  This is an unusually large cast for a Christian film, thus making the performances inconsistent and random.  Sometimes line delivery and emotional delivery are good, while other times they are not.  Overall, it comes out as fairly average.

Conclusion

When you’re in the process of making a film that is over two and a half hours and you actually have the budget to make a film this long, perhaps you need to stop and consider: with so much content, I should make this a series!  People love series: just look at the unexplainable success of When Calls the Heart.  Why not, instead of making a cumbersome film like this one, try something different and create an interesting genre-busting Christian series.  It would be a huge hit.  Yet once again, we are left wondering what could have been.

 

Final Rating: 4 out of 10 points