A Christian Carol (Movie Review)

Image result for a christian carol movie stan severance

Plot Summary

Carol is a businesswoman in pursuit of high-level success, and she totally hates Christmas and religion in general. She wishes no one would ever celebrate the holiday, but one night, she’s visited by three angels who aim to change her mind about the season. Will she see the error of her ways before it’s too late???

Production Quality (-2 points)

It’s very difficult to express how bad this production actually is as it commits some very unforced errors. For one, the lighting is either very dark, much too bright, or soft and distracting. Shaky camera work is consistently present, and audio quality is quite poor, which is evidenced by background sounds, echoes, cheesy sound effects, obvious overdubs, and a cheap soundtrack. It goes without saying that other special effects are horrible, including awful CGI that tries to cover up the fact that the budget wasn’t adequate enough to support historical settings. In a similar vein, the sets, props, and locations are very low quality as things don’t portray what they’re supposed to portray. Further, the editing is bad, which rounds out a negatively rated production that seemed to go out of its way to demonstrate ineptitude.

Plot and Storyline Quality (-1 points)

From the get-go, the story is hampered with childish narration and tripped up with the worst strawman characters that don’t exist in a Timothy Chey movie. The narrative’s entire premise is based on a first-world problems message of contrived religious persecution at Christmastime, including an unrealistic portrayal of people being forced to work on Christmas Day. Dialogue and conversations are very unsubstantial and don’t do enough to prevent this section from going in the red due to its hard-to-believe outlook on reality. The plot is typically constructed according to the original Christmas Carol storyline, which isn’t bad in and off itself. However, creativity and authenticity are greatly lacking in A Christian Carol. Further, the end of the film randomly pivots to Rapture fear-mongering that doesn’t fit with the rest of the tale. In summary, a lack of real-world portrayals derails this idea before it ever gets off the ground.

Acting Quality (0 points)

To round out an embarrassing effort, the acting is mostly forceful with a lot of overly practiced and unnatural lines. Emotions cannot be felt, and cast members are not adequately coached. Though they didn’t have much to work with, they don’t assume the characters very well, and there’s unfortunately nothing positive to note here, which is why it warrants zero points.

Conclusion

It’s admirable to want to make a small church film, but something that’s this low quality does not need to be released to the public. Budgets can be tight, but does that really mean you need to force a movie to happen? There are so many things that go into making a good film, and making another awful one is not only crowding the market but further hurting the reputation of Christian entertainment. Please make sure God actually wants you make the movie you want to make…sometimes, it requires waiting for the right time to come.

Final Rating: -3 out of 10 points

A Letter for Joe [2013] (Movie Review)

Forgiveness...................is no joke
Forgiveness……………….is no joke

Plot Summary

When a collection of ‘troubled’ guys who hang out in a bar all the time decide to pick on Joe, an impressionable ‘seventeen-year-old’ (for no particular reason), by forging a letter for him from millionaire Howard Hughes.  This letter instructs Joe to fly to Las Vegas and meet Hughes for an important job interview.  Without question, this clueless ‘kid’ jumps to ‘free-wheeling Las Vegas’ and lands himself an accidental job working for the eccentric entrepreneur.  As he jets around the country buying up supposedly historic artifacts, the troubled guys suddenly fall into personal ‘tragedies’ of their own.  Will they ever be able to reconcile and show that forgiveness……..is no joke?

 

Production Quality (0 points)

Obviously shot using a limited budget, A Letter for Joe screams cheap church production.  There are many more like this film that are not ninety minutes long and do not make it to on-demand video services.  It boasts all the trademarks of this indie subgenre: shaky camera work (replete with tons of character close-ups and tight shots), grainy video quality, an ear-piercing soundtrack, inconsistent audio quality, and poorly designed sets and props.  Does that about cover it?  I think it does.  Nothing else to see here.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

This is supposed to be an allegory of the story of Joseph from the Old Testament, but the correlation is so loose that it’s nearly unrecognizable.  All we’re left with is endless scenes of planes flying in the sky, montages of Joe buying ‘historic stuff’, random high school football scenes, a laughable scene that includes a character running with a broken leg, an intelligent discussion on provisional scholarships as two characters sit in a very poorly designed car simulator, and yes, tons of vintage cars.  The so-called plot is head-scratching and downright confusing.  The dialogue that isn’t horribly mumbled does nothing to assist in character development.  Many events happen out of context and there is really no reason for the major plot points to occur.  Basically, whatever was trying to be accomplished here totally fell flat.

Acting Quality (0 points)

Starring as Joe, Evan Schwaaaaab Schwalb delivers the most unsure and low self-esteem acting job since John Carmen as The Rev.  Many other acting performances are also particularly memorable, but not in a good way.  As previously mentioned, many lines from all cast members are terribly mumbled.  Emotions are out of place for the situations they are in.  I think that about covers this area.

Conclusion

A Letter for Joe is essentially a bunch of college guys in Florida who got together to try their hand at movie making.  While they put a lot of effort into acquiring 1970s-era vehicles for visuals, they totally failed at actually making a movie.  This effort makes us nostalgic of unmentionable church films of days gone by.  When dealing with films like this one, the question is always a resounding “Why?”  What’s the purpose of this movie?  Does it provide us with anything besides unwanted laughs?  We seriously doubt it.  A word of advice: film makers, please save your funding for something that’s going to truly make a difference.

 

Final Rating: 0 out of 10 points