The God Cafe (Movie Review)

Amazon.com: the God café: Steve Brown, Joe Herrera, Jorge Diaz, Clint  Patterson

Plot Summary

When a worship pastor is facing a crisis in his marriage and his career, he feels like he’s at the end of his rope. The minister wonders if his faith is even real, which is why he’s suddenly visited by mysterious men who claim to be from history. They show the pastor what the true meaning of Christmas is, but the minister will have to decide for himself.

Production Quality (.5 point)

Starting off with odd lighting and tinted filtering, the production quality of The God Cafe is quite low. Cheap special effects and overlays clutter the viewing experience despite acceptable video quality. Sub-par audio is accompanied by a generic soundtrack. Limited sets, locations, and props are supplemented by embarrassing fake backgrounds, and some odd camera angles further contribute to this section’s problems. Additionally, the editing is marred by sudden and abrupt flashes and transitions, which disorients the audience. In the end, only a very meager score can be awarded here.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

Despite the fact that this plot is centered around the inherent problems with celebrity worship pastors (a pertinent discussion that needs to be had), it’s unclear why certain apostles from church history have to visit the protagonist to clear things up. What’s more, the story is frequently interrupted with random, out-of-context songs just because it’s a Christmas musical, I guess. Dialogue is basically a general regurgitation of Bible reading, making the story a long informational diatribe. As such, character development is thrown out the window in favor of a constant stream of facts and references to offscreen content. In the end, besides being a an alternate redux of The Perfect Gift, The God Cafe accomplishes next to nothing, which is the reasoning for zero points in this section.

Acting Quality (1 point)

Between forceful line delivery and manufactured emotions, this section is overall subpar. It seems the cast members are trying to be too interesting, which just comes off as annoying. As a whole, the performances are too theatrical, but there are some bright spots that keep the acting from being a total loss. The amount of positive is enough to warrant a point in this area.

Conclusion

Films like The God Cafe don’t even begin with a sound plot structure, just a vague idea that could be interesting. This isn’t sufficient for a Christian movie, so it’s long past time for collaboration to be the norm in the field. No one can make a movie on their own, and everyone has different talents to bring to the table. If God wants you to make a screenplay, He’ll supply the team and the resources that you need, so you don’t have to try to force more films to happen that will likely fail.

Final Rating: 1.5 out of 10 points

A Christian Carol (Movie Review)

Image result for a christian carol movie stan severance

Plot Summary

Carol is a businesswoman in pursuit of high-level success, and she totally hates Christmas and religion in general. She wishes no one would ever celebrate the holiday, but one night, she’s visited by three angels who aim to change her mind about the season. Will she see the error of her ways before it’s too late???

Production Quality (-2 points)

It’s very difficult to express how bad this production actually is as it commits some very unforced errors. For one, the lighting is either very dark, much too bright, or soft and distracting. Shaky camera work is consistently present, and audio quality is quite poor, which is evidenced by background sounds, echoes, cheesy sound effects, obvious overdubs, and a cheap soundtrack. It goes without saying that other special effects are horrible, including awful CGI that tries to cover up the fact that the budget wasn’t adequate enough to support historical settings. In a similar vein, the sets, props, and locations are very low quality as things don’t portray what they’re supposed to portray. Further, the editing is bad, which rounds out a negatively rated production that seemed to go out of its way to demonstrate ineptitude.

Plot and Storyline Quality (-1 points)

From the get-go, the story is hampered with childish narration and tripped up with the worst strawman characters that don’t exist in a Timothy Chey movie. The narrative’s entire premise is based on a first-world problems message of contrived religious persecution at Christmastime, including an unrealistic portrayal of people being forced to work on Christmas Day. Dialogue and conversations are very unsubstantial and don’t do enough to prevent this section from going in the red due to its hard-to-believe outlook on reality. The plot is typically constructed according to the original Christmas Carol storyline, which isn’t bad in and off itself. However, creativity and authenticity are greatly lacking in A Christian Carol. Further, the end of the film randomly pivots to Rapture fear-mongering that doesn’t fit with the rest of the tale. In summary, a lack of real-world portrayals derails this idea before it ever gets off the ground.

Acting Quality (0 points)

To round out an embarrassing effort, the acting is mostly forceful with a lot of overly practiced and unnatural lines. Emotions cannot be felt, and cast members are not adequately coached. Though they didn’t have much to work with, they don’t assume the characters very well, and there’s unfortunately nothing positive to note here, which is why it warrants zero points.

Conclusion

It’s admirable to want to make a small church film, but something that’s this low quality does not need to be released to the public. Budgets can be tight, but does that really mean you need to force a movie to happen? There are so many things that go into making a good film, and making another awful one is not only crowding the market but further hurting the reputation of Christian entertainment. Please make sure God actually wants you make the movie you want to make…sometimes, it requires waiting for the right time to come.

Final Rating: -3 out of 10 points

Let There Be Light [2017] (Movie Review)

Image result for let there be light movie

Plot Summary

Dr. Solomon Harkins is the rising atheist star bent on destroying the faith of many because of a personal tragedy he endured that tore his family apart.  However, one night while driving drunk, he wrecks his car and has a near-death experience that rocks his worldview and alters his life’s course.  Will he be able to grapple with the new reality he has experienced or will he turn his back on God forever?

Production Quality (2.5 points)

Because Sean Hannity has put his money behind this film, its production quality is almost automatically professional.  Video quality, camera work, and audio quality are all flawless.  However, the original soundtrack is a bit much at times.  Nonetheless, sets, locations, and props are all realistic, adequate, and appropriate.  Everything demonstrates great funding and execution—the only nitpicks to raise here pertain to some minor editing concerns, as the film is presented in a choppy fashion.  But in the end, this film goes to show what funding can do to even the worst of Christian films.

Plot and Storyline Quality (.5 point)

Unfortunately, big money from a Fox News personality means big message-pushing from that personality’s unusual worldview.  Though there is a tiny amount of potential in this film, it is quickly squashed by Sean Hannity’s ego and his attempts to combat ISIS with a cellphone app.  Dialogue is mostly absurd as characters are required to make a certain number of ISIS references, not to mention advertise Sean Hannity’s ratings.  Besides this, there is too much of a strawman-atheist-has-a-conversion feel to this film and the character arcs are way too steep for reality.  Though there could have been something to this, it just boils down to a hair-brained idea thought up in the Fox News echo chamber.  This is pandering at its finest.

Acting Quality (1.5 points)

Though this cast is mostly professional, it is hurt by over the top theatrics and forced emotional sequences, especially Kevin Sorbo doing his best David A. R. White as an atheist impression.  Granted, some of these lines leave the cast members hamstrung with no hope of making anything good out of it (“Like a selfie for God”).  Overall, the Sorbos do a decent job with this, and it’s great to see them star opposite each other for once.

Conclusion

What is one to do with Sean Hannity?  Struggling film makers need his money to make their films great again, but with money comes long strings attached.  We believe that the original idea of this film meant well—before Fox News product-placed it to death.  This is the age-old dilemma of Christian films (and ministries for that matter).  But money or no money, an idea as absurd as a cellphone app that hijacks your phone’s flashlight feature in order to combat ISIS (even in North Korea!) should never, ever be placed on the big screen.

Final Rating: 4.5 out of 10 points