The Islands (December 2019)

Coming to select theaters December 6, 2019 from RiverRain Productions

Website

Writer(s): Timothy A. Chey, Umi Perkins

Director(s): Timothy A. Chey

Producer(s): R. Julie Burnett, Susan F. Chey, Timothy A. Chey, S. Marc Clooney, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, David Galea’i, Todd Kim, V. Carol Rosenthal, Ichiro Tatsume, Angela Xiong

Starring: Teuira Shanti NapaMira SorvinoRicky Sua’ava, John Savage, Ichiro Tange, Malia Marquez, Michael Camp, Malia Mahi John Huser, Lehi Makisi Falepapalangi, Harry Walia, Ala’amoe Keolanui, Boyd Lauano, Andrew Sexton Iii, David Galea’i, Shawn McBride, Clifton Burchfield, Bill Stonebreaker, Yosef Kasnetzkov, Troy Husey, Wallace Del Rosario, Kealii Kuikahi, Craig Nahale, Jessica Kamalu, Vanessa Clay, Vanessa Cadang, Frank Cozart, Ikaika Jonathan, Josephine Kueva, Kae’o Kapani, Serita Liva, Yolanda Hiapo, Sanders Kapahulehua, Rebecca Sanders, Hori Bayani, Tracy Makuakane, Mailani Makainai, Alice Nakahara, Lev Kohn, John Danilewicz, Emmanuel Gomez, Angel Lemus

Plot Synopsis: Based on the incredible true-life story of Chiefess Kapiolani who descended into an active volcano to demonstrate her new-found faith and ushered in a new beginning in Hawaii.

The website above has a much more in-depth description that space does not permit inclusion.

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David and Goliath [2015] (Movie Review)

I AM GOD YOU ARE NOTHING!!!!!!!!

Plot Summary

Travel back to that historical moment when the British Jews in construction hats were hanging around in the desert waiting to fight the eye-shadow-challenged PhilistInes until they saw the guttural wonder known as Goliath and became too afraid to fight.  So they reverted back to standing around talking, wandering around in circles, and riding their horses around camp.  Then along came the pastiest white British man ever—Michelangelo’s David—who decided that he was going to fight the giant action figure across the valley.  After much deliberation, arguing, and talking, the pasty white man ventures forth to fight the giant.  If you made it this far into the film and haven’t been paid off by Timothy Chey, you know how bad it is.

 

Production Quality (-1 points)

With millions of dollars flushed down the toilet for this disaster, you would think that Timothy Chey and crew would be able figure out how to put together a professional production.  But apparently they wasted too much of their funding on the ‘dangerous’ international location to care about how to keep audio quality from constantly screeching and overdriving.  Despite the international endeavor, the sets are terrible and childish.  The soundtrack is very generic and loud, like much of the other audio.  Video quality is low for no reason and camera work is average at best.  A lot of the outside scenes are poorly filmed, with constant extras and horses walking around in front of the camera.  There are also a lot of poor special effects used, along with obvious animation to cover up production shortcuts.  In the end, the world of Timothy Chey defies reality in many ways, especially when he is somehow raising tens of millions of dollars to fund these outright calamities.

Plot and Storyline Quality (0 points)

In a terrible attempt to portray the Biblical story of David and Goliath, this plot is really just about delaying the inevitable.  As the whitest and most British man alive plays David, all the British characters waste time standing around (with horses and people constantly going round and round them) talking and arguing about what they are going to do and debriefing about what’s going to happen next.  It feels like the same conversations repeat over and over again, and the sayings of Goliath most definitely and literally repeat over and over again, like he’s a giant action figure.  Once it finally gets to the so-called climax, it really wasn’t worth waiting for.  Besides this, there are tons of the typical Timothy Chey bizarre elements, such as likening the PhilistInes to a Satanic cult and having Goliath literally drink blood from a cow head.  There is just so much here that cannot even be covered or explained, but needless to say, only watch this film if you don’t pay for it and if you need a good laugh.

Acting Quality (-1 points)

Besides this cast being extremely BRITISH, the costuming is among the worst.  They blew millions of dollars on international travel but couldn’t even put together a decent historical costume that doesn’t look like it was a repurposed construction uniform.  The makeup is also among the worst we have ever witnessed, with coal spilled all over the PhilistInes’ faces.  The cast members therein (especially Goliath) make all kinds of weird guttural sounds and mumbled lines, not to mention the constant yelling and screaming.  Basically, we could just go on and on about the twilight zone of Timothy Chey.

Conclusion

One only has to look to the International Movie Database user reviews of Chey’s films to see just how far his insanity extends.  He clearly has a following of paid reviewers that constantly extol his works in an attempt to ‘correct the record’ (lol) about how the only reason anybody doesn’t like his movies is because they are carnal Christians who stole the movie off of the internet and live in their parents’ basements.  Go ahead and check them out—you’ll see where a good portion of Chey’s budget goes.  But this notwithstanding, what was someone thinking when they enabled this train wreck to happen?  Needless to say, Chey hopefully will not be handed this much funding again any time soon, but stranger things have happened…

 

Final Rating: -2 out of 10 points